The "nihilistically optimistic" eyewear you never asked for but can, thankfully, propagate:
I'm assuming, for trademarking purposes, that gooks, slopes, injuns, and chinkamos were all taken. Yours for $75."slanties are based on ancient Inuit eyewear design. Handcrafted out of solid wood and backed with fiberglass for strength. slanties are available in four different varieties of wood and three different sizes, including a child’s size."